A Good Warning When Disciplining Your Children

I just read Jeremy Piere’s post Watch Your Conjunctions in Parenting, and absolutely loved it.  I frequently find myself correcting my language in disciplining my four year old son when it sounds like I could be communicating a conditional love.  I know some would say I’m over-reacting and thinking too much, but I’m convinced that how I discipline him now will directly determine how I will discipline him when he’s older… and I’d like to start off right!

I’ve taken to discipline with the moniker, “You know I’ll always love you and nothing could make me love you less, but you need to stop ______ and _______ instead.”  Sure, there have been times when he’s totally taken advantage of that and intentionally disobeyed and then looked at me and said, “But you still love me, right?”

Here’s a gem from the post linked to above, I really want to encourage every parent (regardless of how old your kids are) to read this post:

Watch Your Conjunctions in Parenting, by Jeremy Piere

“I love you, but you need to obey.”

Every English-speaking parent has said that phrase at some point or another. It’s our attempt as parents to express commitment to our children even as we require them to obey: “I love you despite anything you do, but you also need to obey what I tell you.” I’d like to take issue, however, with using the conjunction butbetween these phrases. Using but may be communicating something we don’t want to say—namely, that there is some kind of conceptual opposition between “I love you” and “You need to obey.” …

The but has to go. Try so instead. “I love you, so you need to obey.”

This conjunction more effectively communicates the logical relationship between the two concepts. It’s not a relationship of opposition, but of grounding. The reason you are to obey me is because I already love you. This is how parents can be grace-based while insisting on obedience. We should never communicate even a hint of opposition between parental love and children’s obedience.

Partnering with Parents for Teenage Discipleship

Parents, what’s your greatest desire for your teenager when he/she graduates from High School?  Whenever I ask this question to Christian parents I encounter two common answers: “That they attend a good college,” and “That they would have a strong faith in Jesus.”

The Tragedy & The Reality
How many teenagers who attend church/youth group keep their faith after high school?  There have been a ton of studies that have tried to answer that question.  The more conservative studies claim 64% will walk away from the Christian faith while the more extreme surveys say it’s an alarming 94%. I simply don’t have the time or space to write too much about those numbers, except to point out that even the more conservative numbers (roughly 2/3 of youth in our churches!) is a total tragedy!  Imagine lining up the teenagers in our church and counting out “1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3″ and 2/3 of those students are being sent out of the church for good… if that doesn’t make you upset and disturbed then I don’t know what will.

As I have read more about this trend over the past few years, it’s become apparent that most teenagers are “lost” well before graduation.  For many, they never intended to drift from faith… it just happened (hence, the image of “drifting” comes to mind, rather than an intentional running away).  Students are often so busy with other demands on their time that they don’t prioritize their relationship with Christ and fail to pursue opportunities to serve with their spiritual gifts.  Many of the students who do make it a priority to get involved in ministries in their churches are the ones who stay connected to a local church (and, more importantly, their faith continues to mature).

The Best Solution I See: PARENTS
Time and time again, parents are always listed as the number one influence on their children.  Parents are indeed the primary influence in their teenager’s life… UNLESS the parents choose to distance themselves or push their son/daughter away.  I know this could sound like I’m being harsh on parents, and in some ways I am, but in the midst of such pervasive family breakdown in our culture today, more and more teenagers have distant and conflict-laden relationships with their parents.

As the National Study on Youth and Religion concluded, “We get what we are.”  If we take our kids to church on Sunday and then are over-scheduled and live as if our worth comes from work, school, and sports, then how are we teaching our kids to find their identity through Christ?  If we talk about Grace on Sunday mornings but don’t show any during the week when we mess up or when our kids let us down, then aren’t we teaching them that Grace is a good idea but it doesn’t “work in the real world?”  BUT, if Christian parents prayerfully and faithful set Christ at the center of their homes and guard their time (which means mom, dad, and children will all have to say “No” to some good and fun things they’ll want to do!), and talk together about Scripture and life and pray together – then the family will be a driving force the world could not compete against!

Discipleship is the Family’s Responsibility
In Deuteronomy 5 Moses gives Israel the Ten Commandments (technically, God gives Moses the Commandments to give to Israel).  Immediately after Moses gives them the Law, we read this in Deuteronomy 6:4-7

“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.  Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”

Moses doesn’t tell parents to send their kids to the priests to be taught about the LORD, he tells parents to teach their kids about God.  One of the things I love about this passage is that it doesn’t simply say, “Have a family Bible Study!”  I think that’s assumed, but parents are instructed to teach their children about God and what faithfulness to God looks like throughout the day.  Parents are commanded to both formally and informally instruct their children in the Word of God.

It’s not my job as a Youth Pastor to replace their parents.  I don’t want to… I can’t!  I want to come alongside parents, and help them.  I want to be another voice to repeat what’s already been taught at home, and maybe because of my formal education I can help teenagers think a little bit deeper about their faith than their parents are able.

Youth Ministry is the Church’s Ministry
In the years after Moses’ death, God raised up Joshua to lead Israel.  Joshua famously declared, “But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15).  Joshua 2:7-11 notes that while Joshua was faithful to the LORD and the other Elders were also faithful, a generation soon grew up who had never been taught about the LORD or what He had done for Israel.

Can you imagine being one of those Israelites who survived the “conquest” under Joshua’s leadership, overtaking city after city because God has so obviously given it to you… and then you don’t talk about it with your children and your grandchildren!  Teenagers today need Elders (not formal Elders in the church, but men and women who are older and wiser and have really lived life) to invest in them and to share their wisdom.  Teenagers should not be allowed to be completely age-segregated from other generations.

Churches and Parents need to work together.

My Thesis’ Big Picture: Forging a Partnership Between the Local Church and Parents for Parent-Teen Discipleship
Healthy and biblical Youth Ministry doesn’t seek to build teenage disciples… it seeks to build disciples!  If the teens in my ministry are “devoted” during their teen years and then walk away from their faith for good once they graduate, then I’ve failed even if I built a large and vibrant ministry of teenagers.  Youth Ministry MUST re-focus on partnering with parents for discipling teenager to life-long faith.

The church should also serve as a “surrogate family” for those teens whose parents are either not Christians or are neglecting their responsibility to lead in their spiritual duties at home.  I can think of a number of students who have benefitted greatly from EBC and families who attend EBC as filling the spiritual void they experience at home.

Effective Communication is…

I wrote about this in a blog post HERE.  Parents, we need to understand ourselves, our teenagers, and what it is we’re actually trying to communicate to them.

Example: Mom says, “Honey, your dungarees are too tight and I’m not comfortable with you showing your figure off so much to everyone, please go put on some different pants.”  Teenager daughter thinks, “Wow, mom, ‘dungarees”… really?  You’re so out of touch, no one calls them that.  They’re called jeans, and I’m not changing.  This is how everyone dresses today.”

In the above example, the mom “lost” because she called them “dungarees,” and the daughter took that as an example that her mom is so out of touch that her warning about immodesty wasn’t worth even considering.  We need to communicate in such a way that teenagers will actually hear what we’re trying to say.

Project 1 (last year): Helping Parents Understand the Formative Influences on their Teenager
Last year’s “Project” for my D.Min. was focused on the “Understand Your Audience” part of Effective Communication.  This took shape through three seminars that were designed for parents of teenagers:

1. Parental Influence & Other Influences on Your Teen
2. Not a Kid, Not Yet an Adult (Adolescent Development)
3. Culture Shift: From Modern to Postmodern

This is also where the Faith at Home Forum developed.  Be on the lookout for another round of the Faith at Home Forum coming this Spring!

Project 2 (this year’s emphasis): Partnering with Parents for Teenage Discipleship
This year I’m looking to partner with parents for a 5­‐8 week season of intentional discipleship of their teenagers. I will provide them with a resource to use with their teenager(s) at least once each week.  (Probably twice each week, which will be easier for families who are starting or re-starting family devotions than if the expectation was for 4+ times each week.)

I will also meet with the parents for at least two sessions prior to their use of the prepared resource, in order that I might walk them through the resource’s contents and work with them in order to discern the best discipleship method for them to implement with their teenager(s) at home.

I will also integrate the same material into either a small group I will lead with those teens whose families are participating in this partnership or integrate the material as a series that will be taught at weekly Youth Group meetings in order to reinforce what is being taught at home.

Parents of Teens: If you’re interested in participating in this partnership, please contact me ASAP.

What This Means For Emmanuel:
First, this means that ministry to children & youth is everyone’s responsibility.

Second, we become a “surrogate family” for those whose parents are either unbelievers or negligent in discipleship.

Third, each student should have five adults investing (formally or informally) in him/her.  Use the Youth Page in your bulletin each week and pray for that student.  Get to know two students’ names and ask them how you can be praying for them… then follow up with them.  Sure, the student will probably say, “Uh, I have a test on Wednesday.”  Well… pray for them to do well on their test, and then find him/her on Sunday and ask how the test went and assure him/her that you prayed.  Eventually you’ll build up trust to get some “real” prayer requests!

Fourth, EBC will provide more opportunities for parents to be equipped and supported to lead in discipleship at home.  It’s one thing to know you should disciple your kids, but it’s another thing to know how to do that.

I’d LOVE to hear from you! Please to HERE to leave me your feedback on this presentation.

You Just Don’t Get Me, Do You?

Have you ever heard that from a teenager?  If you’re a parent, I’m sure you have!  I think we can all remember saying that to mom or dad at some point.  I can still think of some people who I could say that to!

A friend of mine on Facebook posted the chart below today and it got me thinking about how important it is to really understand each other.  For example: It took me a year (ask my wife, I’m a slow learner) to realize when my Senior Pastor says, “Mike, staff meeting in five minutes” what he really means is, “Mike, I’m ready for staff meeting now, but I don’t want to be rude and demand your presence immediately.”  While I’m still usually the straggler of the three of us, I now realize that I should finish up what I’m doing and head in to his office as soon as I can wrap things up.

What are some of your sayings that seem to mean one thing while you really mean something else?  What are some things your son/daughter/friend says that seems to mean something different?

Understanding each other is hard work, but it is possible.

Parents – Are you taking studying your teenager to learn what they care about?
Teenagers – Are you studying your parents to figure out what makes them tick?

PS: Much to my wife’s delight, I think this chart means I should move to England immediately, because I pretty much fall in line with what the middle column.

Are You Coming to Camp Berea’s “Deep Freeze 2012″

You haven’t signed up for Camp Berea’s Deep Freeze 2012 yet?  What are you waiting for!

What: The best winter camp you’ll ever attend!  Jesus, Music, Food, Carpetball, Tubing Hill, Paintball (costs extra), Volleyball Tournament, Basketball Tournament, Board Games, and tons more.
Where: Camp Berea, Hebron New Hampshire
When: March 16-18, 2012.  Meet at EBC Friday at 5:00pm sharp (bus leaves the parking lot at 5:15 with or without you); Return to EBC around 3:30pm Sunday.
Cost: $130 total ($60 deposit due Sunday, Jan. 29th, remaining $70 due Sunday, March 4th).  Financial assistance is available upon request, please call Pastor Mike at the EBC Office for details.

The permission form below must be fully completed and turned in to Pastor Mike or another Youth Leader along with the remaining $70 payment on Sunday, March 4th.

Berea 2012 Student Forms(paintball form included)

What Should I Bring (and what should I leave home)?

Deep Freeze Invitation- Want to invite some friends to come?  Print these bad boys out and watch your friends just beg to come… ok, maybe not, but they have all the information they need to make be informed.

Got some questions that you can’t find the answers to?  Call or Email Pastor Mike in the EBC office.

As if you need more convincing that you should come (or send your teen), here’s the video Berea put together to promote last year’s Deep Freeze:

Communication is…

The last two weeks I’ve been at GCTS for a Doctor of Ministry program learning all about “Culture & Ministry.”  Walt Mueller, Duffy Robbins, & Adonis Vidu have been guiding our cohort into a deeper understanding of what culture is, how it works and changes, how Christians should relate to culture, and how to effectively and biblically communicate across cultures.  If you’re a youth worker and you want to be blessed and stretched, check out the GCTS D.Min. in Ministry to Emerging Generations (a new cohort starts in June!).

When was the last time you heard something that simultaneously made you think “Duh!” and “Wow, that’s brilliant!”  I’ve had a ton of those moments this week, let me share just one:

Duffy clarified that it’s only “Communication” when the intended message is what your audience actually comprehends.  Duh, right?  Brilliant… right!

How often have we left a sermon or youth group and asked, “What was the sermon/lesson about?” only to hear a very different summary than we would give?  Here are three cultural issues we need to work through in order for Communication to happen:

1. Understand your own Culture – How are you a “product” of your own culture (ethnicity, education, geography, financial status, religion, family of origin, language, dress style, etc.).  If you don’t understand your own biases and preferences, you’ll tend to communicate as if everyone should be like you.
2. Understand your Message – I mean REALLY understand your message.  What are you trying to say?  What does the Scripture actually say and mean (without jumping right into application, just understand what the passage actually says and means).  What do you want people to hear and understand and remember?
3. Understand your Audience – Who are you speaking to?  What is their culture (all the same things listed above)?  What do they already believe about life, faith, eternity, etc.  How will they best hear and understand the Message you’re trying to communicate?

It’s not what you say… it’s what they hear.

When we do these three things, Communicate is more likely to happen.  Which of these comes most naturally to you?  Which of these is the most difficult for you?  I’d love to hear from you…

D.Min. Update & A Passion for Parent-Teen Discipleship

The following was written in as part of a letter to the Pastors and Deacons at EBC as an update on my Doctor of Ministry program before I leave for the second Residency next week.  I’m posting it here because I think my blog readers would recognize that many of these themes have been popping up in recent posts (and can anticipate similar themes being further developing in forthcoming posts).  

Dear Leaders of Emmanuel,

As I continue to prepare for my upcoming Doctor of Ministry residency at GCTS, I’m filled with a number of emotions.  I’m thankful and overwhelmed by my family’s sacrifice and support, making this opportunity even possible.  I’m anxious to finish remaining class work and to make sure I’m well prepared.  I’m excited to discuss what I’ve been learning and challenged by with my fellow students and program mentors.  I’m greatly blessed by how I have been stretched and challenged to continue growing in ministry.  Here is the description from the syllabus for this year’s residency:

The two-week residency will focus on the cultural context of ministry to the emerging generations including children, youth, and college students/young adults. Week one will focus on developing a Christian theology of culture, including examination of the definitions of culture and the functions of culture. Cross-cultural mission principle and theory, contextualization, and multicultural issues will be explored. Week two will focus on the role culture plays in shaping the worldviews, experiences and lives of the emerging generations. In addition you will learn principles of cultural exegesis and analysis. (The third residency will focus on ministry praxis.) 

As I study and read (I have at least read 22 books, totaling over 5000 pages this year, in addition to writing many papers), I am constantly wrestling through the impact my studies could have on my ministry at Emmanuel.  In addition to the required readings for class I have done research regarding the “Formative Influences” that shape and mold adolescents: Physical and hormonal changes, Postmodernism, the Role of Media, Peers, Family systems, and others.  Alongside my reading and studies I have provided three seminars for parents to attend as well as launching the Faith at Home Forum as a way to integrate what I’m learning into the ministry at EBC.  I have also done a fair amount of reading on the practice of Catechesis, which has largely been abandoned by Baptists and is considered a “Catholic” or “Presbyterian” thing to do.  I am more and more convinced that developing a biblical and contextual Catechesis program would disciple both parents and their families.

My “Project 1” paper is entitled “Foundations for Parent-Teen Discipleship: Helping Parents Understand the Formative Influences on their Teenager,” which focuses on laying a Biblical/Theological Foundation for my final thesis.  I am currently anticipating a final thesis which will seek to develop a strategy whereby churches can grow more obedient to their calling in discipling parents to disciple their children, particularly their teenagers. This thesis would integrate parental responsibility and the church’s duty in discipling the next generation.  This would be done through: first, understanding our biblical calling to disciple the next generation; second, understanding today’s adolescents; and third, by understanding what is most important for adolescents to be taught regarding the Gospel and how parents and churches can partner together to effectively hold out the Gospel to the next generation.

During the Christian Education hour (9:30-10:30am) on Sunday, January 29th I will be presenting an overview of what I’ve been studying and how I see that impacting Emmanuel Baptist Church’s ministry to children and teenagers.  I hope you can attend, I look forward to receiving your input on how to move forward with this vision for partnering with parents for the sake of discipling the next generation!

In Christ,
Pastor Mike

Obedience Flows From Love

My son is turning four in two weeks, which is absolutely mind-boggling to me.  Like most almost-four-year-old boys, he’s not a huge fan of obeying.  That’s not to say that he’s a “bad boy” who’s a terror, but let’s just say he’s not the meek-and-mild type.  He’s great, I love him to death, and look at him at least half a dozen times a day and simply think, “I love that boy so much!”

Lately he’s been teaching me a lot about obedience: his obedience… and mine.  My wife and I feel like we’re constantly having this conversation with him:

Me: “Hey, stop stealing your sister’s toys.  You need to share.”
Son: nothing
Me: “Did you hear me?”
Son: “Sorry”
Me: “Come here, we need to talk.”
Son: nothing
Me: “I said come here“
Son: “I love you daddy”
Me: “I love you too buddy, and because you love me you should obey me and mommy.”
Son: “Okay”

We proceed to have this conversation a few times a day.  Now, I’m not throwing my son under the bus… afterall, he’s an almost-four-year-old boy… I’m really throwing myself under the bus, because how often does the Holy Spirit have this same exact conversation with me?!

My wife and I are really careful to make sure that we don’t use God as our disciplinarian who is constantly looking out to see if our kids are naughty or nice.  Too often, Christian parents fall into the trap of using the Bible as a book of morality (Be nice, Help other, Obey mom and dad) and less as a book where God has revealed Himself to us (God made you, You sin – yes, we teach our son that he sins and use the word “sin” – but God loves you SOOOO much that he became a man named Jesus so he could forgive your sins and live inside you).  If you’re looking for a good Bible to read with your kids at night, I recommend the Jesus Storybook Bible, the words are sometimes more geared towards older kids and the stories can be a bit lengthy at time, but I very highly recommend for anyone, not just children!  What I love so much about the JSB is how it captures the Bible story as so much more than a story to tell you to be nice, it makes that connection while demonstrating how the entire Bible is all about Jesus.

God definitely does care about what we do and whether or not we’re “good people.”  But to always use God as a divine disciplinarian and as the one who demands us to be nice and to share our toys is to simply make God into a rule-giver.  Sure, God gives rules… but He’s so much more than a rule giver, isn’t He?

The last few days have been filled with reminders that obedience flows from love.  As I discipline my son for not obeying, it’s a reminder that loving dads discipline out of love while loving sons obey out of love.  There’s a very simple, yet profound, lesson to be learned here.

Obedience flows from love.  When I grow impatient with my son, how can I not feel convicted of my own hypocrisy: demanding of him what I don’t give to God, my Heavenly Father, who deserves so much more honor and respect and obedience than I deserve from my kids?

“Jesus replied, ’If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.’” (John 14:23-24)

Got Post-Christmas Depression?

Do you have PCD… Post-Christmas Depression?  What causes PCD, you ask?

• Bad presents
• Family tension and conflict
• Sleep depravation

Obviously I’m making up PCD, but I do think many of us face something like it.  Maybe you got bad presents and thought, “Seriously, do you know me at all?  You thought I’d like this!?”  Maybe you’re upset because of what you didn’t get (“If you loved me then you’d know ______ is all I wanted, but you don’t care!”).  Sometimes the mentality that “It’s the thought that counts” makes us even more depressed… because we got things we like, but it’s obvious that very little thought went into the gift.  Post-Christmas Despression…

Maybe you’re upset because you saw too little (or too much!) of your family.  Maybe your parents are divorced or your family simply doesn’t get along, or maybe someone in your family is in the hospital or has recently passed away – for whatever reason, there was someone you love who wasn’t around this Christmas.  Post-Christmas Depression…

Here are a few questions to work you out of your PCD:

1. Why are you so disappointed in presents?  You know that stuff can’t give you happiness, but still get that zing of excitement when you hold something shiny and new… and that “zing” can become addictive.  Presents are nice, I’ve got nothing against presents, but we need to be careful about finding love through receiving presents.  Find love through relationship with the gift-giver, not the gift (that works both in our relationship with God and with other people).
2. How did you add to family conflict?  Are you a peacemaker who is quick to address conflict humble and work through it, or do you pass over conflict by either ignoring it completely or saying “I forgive you” or “I’m sorry”… even when it’s not true?  Conflict in your family simply means that you’re a family… of course there’s going to be conflict!  But I’m convinced you’ll grow stronger by working through conflict than by skirting around it.  Take your share of the blame, demonstrate your maturity, and be a peacemaker.
3. Who were you missing, and why?  This is a tough one, because for a lot of people this is completely out of their hands.  Take the time to honor the person who was missed so deeply, and thank God for giving him/her to you and for teaching you so much through him/her.
4. What do I really desire the most?  Do you desire intimacy and fellowship with Jesus Christ or do you really want fun/pleasure/success/recognition?  If you’re rolling your eyes saying, “Whatever Mike, that’s such a churchy thing to say!” then that probably means you should really think hard and long about this question.  If I desire an iPad more than I desire to conquer my sin, then that’s a problem.  If I desire a new Kindle more than I desire intimacy with God in my prayer-life, then I have some seriously messed up priorities.  Sure, ask for an iPad or Kindle, that’s not my point.  Maybe reason you’re suffering from Post-Christmas Depression is because you’re desiring the wrong things most.  

He created all things, yet became a part of his creation in order to save it…. Merry Christmas indeed!  “He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him.”  (Colossians 1:15, 16 )

 

I’m Finally Looking Forward to Christmas!

My wife calls me a Scrooge during the Christmas season.  She can barely wait until the day after Thanksgiving to start decorating the house (and started listening to Christmas music the day they started playing it on the radio… way before Thanksgiving).  I just can’t do it.  I usually start getting into “the Christmas spirit” about a week before Christmas – until then, well, I just get weighed down by the stress and chaos of the season.

Honestly, I think today (yes, two days before Christmas day!) might be the first day this year that I’ve legitimately gotten excited about Christmas coming.  Is that terrible of me?

I know it’s terribly cliche for a pastor to say (or write!) religious platitudes about the beauty, glory, miracle, and joy of Christmas.  (But aren’t cliches often truths that have been heard so often they’re taken for granted?  Maybe we should be nicer to cliches?)  Christmas really is a wonderful time for Christians to reflect on their faith.  Give presents, have fun, drink eggnog, but please take time here and there to reflect on the reality that God became a man. If you think about it, that’s really quite the ridiculous claim (unless it’s true).

O Come, O Come Emmanuel has always been my favorite Christmas hymn.  I came across the version below on YouTube a few years ago and I really like it.  There’s just something about it that conveys the longing and the desire for Christ that I should have all year round.  Even as I write, I’m reminded of what the very name Jesus means, “God saves” or “God is salvation.”  We all long for salvation, even if we don’t realize it.  I think that’s why buying something new (or receiving a new gift) makes us feel so good, because it’s like a clean slate, a new start.  But salvation is in God, through Jesus Christ, and can’t be bought.

The gift of Christmas is Jesus.  Not the cute baby Jesus, but the lived and suffered and died and rose from the grave and ascended into heaven for you Jesus.  Yes, the baby Jesus and the “God-Man Jesus” are the same person, but when we focus only on Jesus as a cute baby  at Christmas and forget the rest of his life then we’re missing the point.  Heaven was breaking through in order to rescue and redeem God’s humanity and all creation!

Emmanuel (“God With Us”) has come… and he’s coming again to finish the job!

Responding to Tebowing

This post is a follow up to last week’s post on Tim Tebow and was requested by my wife… so how could I say no?!  She’s a teacher in a local middle school and has been dealing with students “Tebowing” in the hallways, in the cafeteria, in the middle of class, etc.  Just last week a few teenagers at another local school got suspended for Tebowing in the hallway.  So here’s the question: Is Tebowing Good or Bad for Christianity?

First, for those who are unfamiliar with “Tebowing,” UrbanDictionary defines it as, “To get down on a knee and start praying, even if everyone else around you is doing something completely different.”  Tim Tebow, the QB for the Denver Broncos, is a very devout Christian and is outspoken about his faith, and his “prayer posture” has become something of a cultural fad that’s sweeping the nation.  There’s even a website devoted to pictures of people Tebowing in public, Tebowing.com.

As usual, I see some good to the Tebowing craze, and bad.  Here we go…

The Good:

• Maybe people actually pray while Tebowing.  If it gets people who don’t pray to start praying (even trite prayers) then you never know how God might use that.
• Tebowing has people talking about prayer and Jesus in (mostly) positive ways. Sure, most people are saying “God doesn’t care about stupid things like football, doesn’t he have more important things to do.”  We won’t agree with what everyone has to say about prayer and faith, but these conversations don’t usually happen in such public and open ways.  I’ve heard people everywhere talking about their faith openly, and in New England that simply never happens.  So if Tebowing get people to start talking about faith and religion and Christianity in particular, then I’m thankful for it.

The Bad:

• Mockery.  This one’s pretty obvious.  It’s clearly a mockery of Tebow’s faith in particular, and Christians in general.  I personally don’t think Christians should get offended over it and should take it the same way Tebow does: It’s good-natured mockery.  If we can’t laugh at caricatures of ourselves, then we have a pride problem to deal with.
• Tebowing can communicate that prayer is for show.  I don’t think Tebow prays so that the cameras catch him praying, and therefore gets a certain public reputation or celebrity image.  I get the impression from Tebow that he legitimately wants to pray in order to thank his Heavenly Father for the opportunity and gifts to play football.  But we need to keep in mind that Perception Isn’t Everything, But It’s Close.  Jesus taught the value of private/secret prayer as opposed to the Pharisees who loved to pray in public so they would be seen.  Again, I give Tebow the benefit of the doubt, but people could easily accuse him of this (and I’ve heard people accuse him of this).
• Tebowing trivializes prayer.  I often say “There’s no such thing as a small prayer.  We measure prayer by the One we’re praying to, not by the words we use or our ability to pray well.”  If that’s true, then Tebowing represents prayer in a laughable, cheap, and completely ridiculous light.  I don’t think they intend to trivialize prayer (some do, but I think most are blissfully ignorant), but that’s just the reality.  Again, let me repeat my encouragement again, don’t go to battle against Tebowing and I’m not personally offended by it, but I do think we should take the opportunity it opens up to us in order to discuss what people believe about prayer and faith and God, etc.

All in all, I think the Tebow phenomenon is a really positive thing: people who never discuss religion/spirituality are doing so openly and are interested in hearing from Christians about their beliefs.  I’m still amazed that I can’t remember hearing anyone say to me, “I think Tebow’s a fake and a hypocrite.”  People are fascinated by him because he seems to be so genuine and real, and that’s a wonderfully refreshing thing for me to see after all the Christian leaders who are usually in the news for one scandal or another.

I’m confident that Tebowing is just a passing fad, so if you’re someone who’s thinking, “But you just said it trivializes prayer!  Rally the troops, we need to fight this!” then I’d encourage you to settle down… by the time you get the troops rallied the Tebowing trend will be on its way out of our cultural consciousness.

Instead of protesting because you feel offended or mocked, take the opportunity to ask some questions like these:

• If you could ask Tebow a question, what would it be?
• Do you think people are rooting against Tebow because of his religious beliefs?  Do you think that’s right, or should that be a non-issue?
• What do you think of Tebow being so outspoken about his faith?  Are you offended, or are you ok with him talking about his faith in Jesus so frequently?
• Why do you think Tebow is so open and public about his faith?
• What do you think about prayer?  What sort of things do you think God cares about?
• Do you think God listens to Tebow more than he’d listen to you when you pray? Why?